Yes, it is about time I blow some dust off this thing and assemble an update for the masses…or just the two people who read this blog: Me and my Dad, haha.

*Sigh*

I wonder sometimes why I’m still doing what I’m doing though….namely ICC

Funny, everytime I think of that place I think nothing but responsibilties, jobs and pressure. Can’t remember the last time I really enjoyed myself there frankly. Everytime I try and think fun nothing comes to mind.

I’m probably burnt out badly here. But the term hasn’t even started for real yet! How am I going to handle a completely new course, finding somewhere to live, dealing with this bloody Mad Cow and still managing my church life?

I….I really want to go. Just go. Pack up and leave ICC, for at least a few months. Leave the ministries for a while, leave the church behind and focus on getting things assembled in my life, which are mostly on life-support.

But yet I still continue. But this is not healthy, and I’m facing a lot of pressure from my family to leave now. I mean, this isn’t anything new but now it’s even my mum and her side of the family who want me to leave.

And…I kinda agree with them. I am burnt out, and slowly becoming more and more cynical towards CCA as it chews up my time and patience.

I really would hate to become bitter to the church, and to the people inside.

This really isn’t a decision I need to make now, but it keeps going on in my head and until I address it’s not gonna go away sadly…

Bloody hell, I sound like an emo kid

The chaotic nature of life never ceases to amaze me.

Indeed, within the space of less than a fortnight much of my life has been turned upside down and inside out. And it is only now, sitting in my favourite lazyboy chair with my 2nd cup of coffee for the day that I can sit back and reflect on all that has happened.

The first change was that I moved out of my parents place.

I knew that this time had been coming for a while. Ever since attending ICC and seeing the reaction that it sparked from my parents I knew that it would eventually come down to either them or my faith. Oh yes, there were other mitigating factors in my decision, but I felt that I needed a chance to escape the boundaries that I had placed on myself there,  a chance to spread my wings so to speak and begin to explore what it really means to be a child of God.

The move was…difficult, and certinatly there will be an adjustment period for a time, but I feel this was something I needed to do. A chance to find out who I am and what I want to do, and I couldn’t do that staying there.

Secondly, June & Shun Wei left back for Singapore.

I’ve not really thought about this one too much, mostly because I’ll be seeing both of them in less than 2 weeks when I come over. But their departure has left a noticeable gap in the church, at least to me. I always looked forward to seeing them every Friday and Sunday, always willing to take the time to listen to my odd and eccentric ramblings despite their own busy schedules.

I can honestly say without their support I could have never gotten this far. They helped me over every hurdle, every obstacle. They were my mentors, confidants, but most importantly they were my friends. Friends which before meeting them I thought you could never have. People who you could rely on no matter what happened.

I’ll miss you guys, I really will. I’ll always keep a prayer for you every night, and I pray that God continues to bless you in life and everything you do.

Finally, I’m changing degrees and university

Perhaps one of my most schizophrenic problems has been my inability to decide my future. IT and Business is something I decided a long time ago I didn’t want to pursue, but I could never decide what else to do. IT has always been a fundamental part of my life, and the idea of not following it as a career was always a foreign concept. But my dissatisfaction and disillusionment with the industry increased to a point where I could not honestly see myself staying in the field much longer.

A few days ago, I recieved a letter from UQ, accepting me into the Bachelor of Psychological Science commencing this year.

I was not aware I had even qualified to enter the course, what with the positions being incredibly difficult to get. Indeed, my own sister applied for that course and was not offered a placement.

But I was.

There are a number of good reasons why not to do this course. Money, time, logic. But those three things fail to take into account a person’s happiness, and I can honestly say I am not happy finishing my IT and Business anymore.

So I’m going to take it. I’m going to transfer to UQ and start the degree this year. It might blow up in my face, sure. I might fail it and find out I am a pathethic pyschologist.

But I’ll know.

I’ll know that this isn’t a path for me, and I’ll be able to pursue another field without ever wondering ‘what if?’

I don’t want to look back on this opportunity and regret not taking it. I can’t do that to myself.

So yes, it looks like I’ll be a UQ student this year. Looks like I’ll be joining the 99.9% population at church who also attends UQ. So much for QUT pride, haha.

I know not the plans God has for me yet. I still have no idea which path in life I will follow. Those doubts will always remain there I think.

But for the moment, I can at least feel I’ve taken a step in the right direction, and to tell you the truth, I couldn’t be any more happier than I am now.

Cheery-bye!

I love that word

No idea why, but I break up giggling every time I hear it. Try it!

Now for an actual blog post. No real excuse for ignoring it, need to write something meaningful, something heartful, something someone will read and think ‘Hey, this guy is smart and intelligent! I wish I could be as handsome as he is’.

Of course my caffiene addled mind doesn’t seem to be coming up with anything good yet, so I’ll just stick to general updates this time

It’s been a week since Sunday School camp, and already I’m missing it…mostly because I left my USB key there with about 14 uni assignments and enough software to get me convicted in most countries. Oops

But other than that I really enjoyed it. It was a real treat being able to meet all the teachers, plus spending time with the kids. I got to see a side of them which I’ve never seen before, and it put a whole new meaning on the power of a child. I saw, with the prayers of each child there, a approaching storm front banished, even when the radar predicted storms and rain.

I also found the pleasure of taxing the kids around on my back. Towards the end of the camp, one particular girl who will go unnamed got tired and made me piggy back her around. It was those eyes of hers, too cute to resist

Other than the camp, my life has become very….dull

Seriously,  I’ve had nothing to do for weeks now. Only so much Modern Warfare 2 one can play before getting fed up with it.

I would ask people to see a movie or something, but most are busy or I can’t contact them.  My social life seems to be surviving on Facebook alone at this point

Next holidays I plan to go away for a lot longer, and preferably sooner as well

Now I probably should get ready for church. We’re having a break up party for the kids leaving for youth and Serene and I still haven’t found a room yet to do it in. Yay for general procrastination

Cheery-Bye,

Sheldon

‘I never drink more than 17 cups of coffee in one day. I have limits after all’

After hearing so many people speak of this chapter, I thought I’d throw in my own opinion about what I think love is.

To me, love is perhaps the strongest emotion one can possibly feel. It overrides everything else, making a person ignore the rational and instead believe in the impossible. Love is what permits us to be connected to God, and to feel compassion and care for others. Love…is beyond human comprehension, an emotion which I feel we will never come to fully understand.

But love can also be our weakness. I think of Adam and Eve, and how Eve convinced her husband to eat the forbidden fruit. Why did Adam give into temptation, knowing that God had forbidden him to eat the fruit? The only solution I can possibly think of is love. Love for his wife, which drew him away from his love of God.

Love can be for many things. A love for money perhaps, or maybe love for material goods. This kind of love can cloud our judgment; cause us to question our decisions, and that which God gives us.

I think it becomes more prevalent when one falls in love with another person. Such feelings and emotions are powerful, and have the potential to block out everything else, including God. Without his guidance in your life you are stumbling blind, and how can you expect to stay on the path of God if you cannot see where you are going?

This is all mere speculation on my part, I have no real experience with what love is. But I do wonder what it is like sometimes. To feel that rush that so many poets and stories tell of. To feel that adrenaline, that passion for another person. What could it be like I wonder?

If it is anything like the love of Christ that I’ve felt since I turned to Christ, then we are all truly blessed to be able to feel such emotion.

Love conquers all after all…

 

Offically I’ve been on Holiday for 1 week now, and I’ve never been more bored in my entire life.

Funny how you look so forward to these things, then when they finally arrive suddently they don’t have that same appeal. It probably has something to do with the 4 days I’ve worked straight, or the lack of contact with friends. I’m a people person, and yet there is no people to talk to! Just a lot of broken computers at work and a dead internet connection to deal with.

I know I’m whinging, but its my blog and I feel like complaining! Even if it’s just to the general public, or those few who bother to read my posts.

With 80% of the people I know well going away for their holiday, I’m left with the prospect of 4 months of basically straight work and that’s it. So much for de-stressing after Uni work.

Is there anyone who’d like to even talk to me? Any kind of face to face communication would be great (Yes, I’m actually asking for people to talk to me )

 

I’ve been a sad thing as of late. I’ll put that down to a combination of exams, lack of sunlight and complete isolation to the world

I’ll be happier once this year is behind me I think. A new start, a chance to make up for the mistakes I’ve made this year. A chance to do something constructive with my life.

If it counts for anything, I’ll be undertaking a Chinese speaking class next year as part of my studies. So hopefully by this time next year I’ll actually begin to make sense of what my friends are saying around me.

Life is all about perspective. It’s easier to forget all the good things you have and focus on the bad. Sometimes its worth stepping back and realizing that life can be fun after all.

So from now on it’s going to be sunshine, lollipops and rainbows for Sheldon. Yay!

I might as well face facts. I’ve wasted a good portion of my life away and now it’s coming to bite me in the ass.

I mean seriously, I’m 19 years old, but what do I have to show for it exactly? Everyone I know has some kind of defining skill. Some can play music, others can sing, others have the ability to talk to people.

Me? I cannot sing. I struggle with the basics of Guitar, a notoriously simple instrument to learn. I cannot cook all that well, barely able to feed myself at the best of times. I struggle to communicate with people, lacking Charisma or natural speaking skills.

My IT skills are nothing to be proud of. The paltry knowledge I know pales in comparison to my fellow classmates.

I feel that I’ve come this far only to have nothing to show for it. God placed me on the earth for a purpose, and only now I’m beginning to realize I’ve failed to fulfill that purpose.

I want to do better with myself, but if I failed to accomplish anything so far, can I honestly expect to improve from here? It’s like the deadly sin of Sloth has claimed me as an Avatar, a symbol of laziness and despair.

Hell, I can’t even stand up to my parents and make my own decisions. Instead I go on fulfilling their dreams and desires rather than my own. I’m completing a course and getting a job in a field I no longer want, but I keep doing it because I can’t make my own decisions anymore.

I just want to do the best I can…no clue as to how I’m going to do that.

 

Just recently a friend of mine revealed to me that he had a collection of different Asian TV series and Movies. Figuring that this would be the perfect opportunity to explore a part of Asian (in this case Korean) culture I’d never seen before, I borrowed his copy and sat down to watch an episode or two, just to try it out…

…that was almost 3 hours ago. I haven’t been able to stop watching them!

I mean, the acting is corny, the plot cliche and the English translation fairly miserable. But despite all this, the show somehow keeps me enthralled. It’s a romantic-comedy series, which means plot twists and romantic speeches every episode. Much fun indeed!

Something has been started here that cannot be undone. My addiction to Korean drama has begun, and there is no stopping it now.

The Accommodating Teddy Bear

As part of an assignment I’m required to fill out several self-evaluation forms about myself.

I got the result back from my Conflict Management Style Assessment:

• Teddy bears use a smoothing or accommodating conflict management style with emphasis on human relationships
• Teddy bears ignore their own goals and resolve conflict by giving into others; unassertive and cooperative creating a win-lose (bear is loser) situation
• Advantage: Accommodating maintains relationships
• Disadvantage: Giving in may not be productive, bear may be taken advantage of
• Appropriate times to use a Teddy Bear Style
  • when maintaining the relationship outweighs other considerations
  • when suggestions/changes are not important to the accommodator
  • when minimizing losses in situations where outmatched or losing
  • when time is limited or when harmony and stability are value

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…Dear Readers, is this true? Am I just a big Accommodating Teddy Bear to you all?

I finally got my ticket to Singapore booked!

Went quite well in the end. Spent a little less than I expected to, and also got a great deal on some travel insurance as well. Only catch is a two hour stop-over in Brunei on my way there and back, but I’m sure I can keep myself amused for that time

Now, things I still have to do:

- Find Accommodation

So far the majority of places to stay at Singapore are either too expensive or….actually that’s pretty much it. Most places are going to cost me an arm and a leg to stay. No love for the poor Uni student here.

Here are the two places I’m considering:

Victoria Hotel – http://www.tripadvisor.com/Hotel_Review-g294265-d562032-Reviews-Victoria_Hotel-Singapore.html

Aqueen Hotel Balestier- http://www.tripadvisor.com/Hotel_Review-g294265-d1441156-Reviews-Aqueen_Hotel_Balestier-Singapore.html

Either one seems okay. They won’t cost me a great amount (still quite painful though ). It’ll probably come down to how easy it is to get to the city and back from either hotel.

- Transport

So far the best way is to taxi from the airport to the hotel. Coaches aren’t that cheap to hire, and I’d rather not risk an unfamiliar public transport system (MRT) trying to get to my hotel. Still need to figure out how to get a taxi over there though.

- How much to bring?

If accommodation is any indication, things aren’t going to be cheap in Singapore. I know the food isn’t that expensive, but everything else is probably going to cost a fair bit. Misery!

What am I going to do over there?

As far as actual tourist plans go, I’ve haven’t really planned anything yet. Initially, my plans were to rely on the help of my friends to get around, but I think it’s fair to say they probably would want to spend time with their friends and family rather than escorting me around the entire time.

I’ll have a look-see at TripAdvisor for things to do in Singapore. I’m sure there’s plenty for a naive western tourist to do there. Failing that, there’s always shopping.

That’s all I can think of at the moment, although I’m sure I’ve still got a lot to organise. This should be fun